Oh how I miss thee my spring

I am so tired of this cold and all the snow. I want spring! It feels like this winter will last forever. And they say that the spring will be late this year. Well I guess I just have to wait and see. But it can be really beautiful during winter. But I really, really miss spring. I want to see the world come to life again. I want to smell the world come to life, I want to feel the light but still a bit cold wind in my face and feel the sun warm my skin. I miss the life that spring brings. I miss all the colors that comes. The world is so colorful in spring more so than during summer in some ways. Summer is mostly green, but spring, oh spring have so many colors!

I sort of got promoted at work. My boss, sort of created a new position at work and she want´s me on it when I get back to work. I feel really nervous about it. What if her faith in me is totally wrong. What if I can´t do it. I mean I have only been working for a year since I graduated. Well, I did say yes to the job so I will just have to make it work. I´m really happy about it though, It feels great. And I have almost a year to figure it out before I start this new position.


I can recomend tangled! It is really funny. But I sort of knew it would be. I love that Rapunzel is so confident even though she had never left her tower. But that girl has spunk! She is very confident and independent and that is like fresh air compared to how disneys princesses usally are.

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A nightmare in the making

We went to another doctor with our son like I said in the post below. It turned out that we must do the circumcision again. This is a nightmare that I can not wake up from, it feels like. The doctor said he must do it again and they will  anesthetize our little boy but because he weighs too little right now, we have to wait until he weighs 14 kg. There is nothing dangerous in the current situation but because the head is barely visible anymore, (it is as if he is not circumcised)  it can be problematic when he gets a little bigger. Insha Allah this will end well. It is in Allah's hands now. We can only pray and put our trust in Allah! The most important thing for me right now is that my little prince is doing well  al hamdulillah.
 
Today I, my dad and my little sister will go to the movies. We are going to see tangled. It is a bit of a family tradition to see the Disney film each year. Though in recent years I don´t think that they have been very good. I'm not really into computer animation. I likeed it better when they made real animated movies themselves. Classics like Aladdin and Lion King. But this year I think the movie might be fun! My little prince will be with his dady when I´m at the movies. I´m looking farward to this!

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It´s been a while

It has been a while ago since I wrote here. I have no track of the days any longer. They flow into each other. Tomorrow I and my husband will go to another doctor who will look at my son's circumcision. I am so worried. The skin around it has become so tight that the head almost can´t  get out. NOT GOOD. I've heard they're  very good, these doctors. Why will this nightmare never end?
But my son are doing well. He is happy and alert. He does not seem to suffer and that is important.
 

We have begun to give him small portions of food now. He loves food. we've tried potato and carrot, and he likes both! Yesterday he got a taste of the juice from a grape, he loved it. It is so fun to see his reaction to different kinds of food. Every time he gives me a big smile and he ate all the food (like one tablespoon) from day one. That was funny cause all I read about that was that they usally do not eat very much in the beginning but he did.
 
My sister is staying with us right now and it is of course a bit tricky. A few days ago  she asked if she could buy ham and paté. Yes you can probably guess what I said. NO. There Will Be no pork in my house. But her staying here is going well. So far, she has respected our rules and that's good. Though she is always very suspicious of my food. Probably because I do not make food that she is accustomed to. I'm very fond of Arab food, and I usually do that kind of food. But she seems to think it is good in all cases. And she stays with us because they are renovating their bathroom so she will stay for 2 months.

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Never a moment to my self ever again.

I have always thought that I would like to be a housewife.  

Being at home all day and take care of my children. Today my husband approached me while I cooked, and said with pride and love: You are indeed a real housewife. You are as good as an Arab woman and makes equally good food. It was meant as a compliment. But it got me thinking. I have a full time job. Being a mom, being a housewife is to have a full time job. A full time job that occurs throughout the day. When I start work again, it will then be two full-time jobs. I will never ever again in the next 18 years at least, to have a moment to myself.  

It does not help to have a man who never does anything unless I nag about it. I'm so tired. I have not slept a single night in 4 months, and I have to get up so early every day, clean, take care of the boy, cook, wash ..... My husband is home by the way. All day long. But he does not lift a finger. But sometimes he can take care of our son, but after half an hour, he thinks that it is enough and wants me to take him again. The half hour is not for myself, no, it is for me to wash or cook. Maybe a shower if I'm lucky.  

The minute I became a mother, I stopped to think: I want, I need. Instead, I started thinking about my son and what he needs. I also think about my husband´s needs. I want to be a good wife afterall. My husband however, thinks of himself. It annoys me very much that he considers himself entitled to only think about his own needs and desires without spending a moment to think about me or our son or what we might need.

Sometimes he does step up and do stuff and I know he finds it hard that he has no job but he does have a family. And really I would be so much a better wife and a mother if he let me have my own time now and then. Everyone need some time alone sometimes, if they do they become better persons because they would have more patience with the people around them.

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She is a source of inspiration

Is there anything more wonderful than friends who inspires you to become a better Muslim? It's amazing with friends that only with their own actions will inspire you to become a better Muslim. No words is needed. Such a friend is worth gold.  It is important to have muslim sisters to as a support and as a inspiration.

I have such a friend. I am always so happy to see her and she makes me want to be better. She reminds me of the right way without ever saying anything. We always have interesting discussions and conversations with each other about Islam and about everything. She is a real source of inspiration and a wonderful friend. She is strong in her soul. She is a convert like myself and I'm really happy to have met her. A true friend and sister in Islam al hamdulillah!

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from confusion to islam

I got a question about how long I have been Muslim. Yes, it is clear that one who converts questions about his conversion. I thought that maybe there were more who were curious and therefore  more suitable to reply to the comment in a post than as a comment back to her commet, I think. 

I've been a Muslim for nearly two years. It took me almost a year before I was able to tell my decision for my family, so yes there was a lot of sneeking around the first year. Yes I was a coward, I admit. I wish I had dared to tell right away but then I knew there was a lot of negativity towards Muslims in my family (not by all members, but from some of them) and therefore I simply dared not.  My mother is very disapointed with me. She sees a starnger and not a daughter when she looks at me. She thinks I have abandoned the family for my new lifestyle. Though it did get better since I gave birth to my little son. She now feels we have gotten closer. And I do to but for how long. And really it is because we do not talk about me being a muslim or anything muslim related.

The first year I experimented a lot with the hijab. I wanted so to use it, but because of problems with my family, I could not have it all the time. Then I decided that I was obviously not ready for the hijab since I cared so much about what my family thought. While I am a bit sad about my own weakness, I think it also is smart to not take a hasty decision.
I have seen several converts who at one time only begins with the hijab then start using the abaya and then start with the niqab. All this very quickly, often within the first year as a Muslim. There is nothing wrong with that, absolutely not. The problem that I witnessed was that they then left Islam. The reason was that they rushed into the religion too quickly. In fact, a new religion is not only a new faith, but a new lifestyle as well. I believe in small changes over time. It is important that you become secure in your faith and that it has a strong hold. That is my reason in all cases. I do not pretend to have all the answers and that my way is the right way. There are many ways and this way suits me best. one day Insha Allah, I will use the hijab full time. Now I am satisfied as a part-time hijabi, if there is such a thing. I may not be wearing hijab but I do dress modest. I usally wear long skirts and long armed shirts and dresses with pants.

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