Showing posts with label Personal diary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Personal diary. Show all posts

Say Hello to the ´I want mummy´ phase

A very intense period in my life has begun. My son has fact entered a new phase in its development. Namely mother dependence. I can not take a step without my son is just us my feet and if I go too fast, he starts whining. As soon as I sit on the floor so he starts to climb up into my arms and I'm sitting on the couch, he will crawl to my feet while he whines and lifts his arm to show that he wants in my lap. It is very cute and cozy but incredibly stressful. For right now I feel very limited in what I can do here at home because I can not take a step without him. He is like a small patch on me. But it is allright I guess, I mean how can one be irritated with such a cute face?

I am very happy right now cuz I and my son are going abroad, although only to the neighboring country to visit relatives, but it will be fun I think. It was a long time since I was there. I'm going with my family, I leave my husband at home this time. It is so nice there. My relative that we'll stay with is living in a very small village right by the sea. Oh it's so wonderful. When I was growing up we always went there, every summer. This is like my second home, you could say actually. I really long to go, but it is still a month left.

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I´ve been utterly lost... in books

I have not had time to blog, I have been very busy. hmm no not with my son (although he is a real little bundle of energy.) No, the reason I have not had time to blog is because I have been utterly lost in books recently. I absolutely devour book after book after book. Right now I'm reading the series of Morganville Vampires. There are 10 books so far and it is so exciting. Yes so that is why I have not had time to blog. Hihi. Anyway. I've decided to challenge myself to read 50 books in 2011 and I have so far read 20 books so there should be no problem keeping up with it even though I am a little stressing mother of  a small child.
 
My sister in law lives with us right now. She is really nice but does not talk much of my language as it is and sometimes it´s a bit difficult to communicate but I don´t mind, I might snap up some Arabic and  she has promissed me to learn how to make Dolmar and other arabic food.

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Obsessions

do you have any obsessions? something that you can not let go. Even if you know you should?  

My obsession is books, books, books. I have lots of books and I always buy new. I prefer to read fantasy and paranormal books in English. I have found that books are much better when they are not translated, you should read the books in their original language (if possible). Lucky for me it seems that most authors that I like is  English speaking and lucky for me I can English really well now since I read so much in English.  

My problem is that I read more than I should especially when I have my periods of deprission. Then I escape into the world of books and when I am there, I'm not really present in real life. This is my biggest problem and I should not escape my reality. But honestly, I do not live a bad life, I am happy and content most of the time. But I can not seem to control these episodes of deprission. Suddenly when I wake up one morning I am there. And when that  happens, nothing works for me.  

I do not even know what I want to say by this really.

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Life is suffocating me

Sometimes it feels as if life requires so much energy from me. Energy that I do not always have. It takes so much of me sometimes to just take a step, saying a word. So much energy. The environment around me also requires so much of me. What do you want?! Why can not I just be left alone?  

The bed is so incredibly inviting. In it, I can lay and hide me from the outside world.  I want to stay here  and hide. No energy to devour me. No claims suffocating me. Nothing. Just me and nothing more. Life is sometimes suffocating me, To live is like walking into a swamp, it is demanding and slow and there are many places to sink in and disappear. Sometimes it feels like I'll disappear somewhere.

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Ideas anybody?

What should you do when the ideas running out?  

Sometimes I feel completely empty inside my head. I do not know if it's because I walk around at home all day and are completely unaware of what's happening in the world. I have not read a newspaper since my son was born (almost). I do not know how it is with you, but I feel like the brain is emptied of thoughts when I never fill it with something. I just play all day with my son and sometimes I get a chance to go out and meet a girlfriend and do some shopping, as yesterday, for example. Yes I know, I can read a newspaper on the internet but I do not know, I do not. I only read the free paper available at bus and train on the way to work and it's been a while since I was at work. I feel so incredibly excited to be working but it will be a long time before I get back to work.  

But actually it's very nice to be home and be a mother also, it's just that I do not have to meet other moms and talk to. And those I have met appear to be most interested to hear themselves talk, which I think is not particularly stimulating. So here I sit mostly on my own with my own empty head and my little cutie of a son who is soon going to begin to crawl, and when that happens I will probably never get to have time to write on this blog. I will be too busy running after my son. 

But right now I wish I had some ideas about what to write about.

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pre-school/kindergarten/nursery or whatever it is called

Oh it's beautiful weather outside today! I'll certainly take a walk after lunch. I feel so much happier now that the weather is better! more sunshine and warmer than it has been for many months.  

Yesterday I went to a kindergarten that is open to children and parents. That is, the mothers are with their children at the preschool a few hours. It's really fun. Then I get the chance to meet other moms and my little ray of sunshine can meet other babies. We sit with the children on a large rug and so they can lie there and babble to each other and we moms can share some experiences with each other. Then we sing with the children. It's very good that there are such pre-schools because it is almost the only chance to meet other people and above all, other mothers in the first year that you are at home with your children. Yesterday was my little guy really seemed to like a little girl of 4 months. He tried to eat her hand! haha That was just so funny! He is really cute. 
 I was also looking at preschools/kindergartens that may be of interest since when he shall begin at the preschool next year. There is a kindergarten right where I live and those who worked there were really super unpleasant. I do not want my son to go there all day if it is in this way as they treat their parents. The other school, however, seemed much better. I have tried to contact the Muslim pre-school which is near where I live but I have not yet succeeded. I'm very curious about it but I know that they have a very long queue so we'll see what happens with that one.

So far, it is quite a long time before he begins, and that day will be one of the hardest days for me in a long time. But I have to start working again when I no longer get any money from the insurance fund and in fact I think it'll be fun to start working again. especially since I'll start a whole new sort of employment when I get back and it will be so exciting.

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